"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
