there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
