im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
