shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
