Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
