I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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