2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
