They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think my vagina is haunted
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
