I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
