Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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