Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
