to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
