I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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