Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
