Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
