Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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