I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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