Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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