is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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