Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
