Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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