The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Randomize
