Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
