She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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