i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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