As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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