My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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