i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
