She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
