I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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