I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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