I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
