How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
