I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
