...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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