we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
