He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
