but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
