What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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