So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
