remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
