Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
