She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
