he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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