my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
