"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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