I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
nutella sex= disaster
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
