Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
