So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
