im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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