I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
