I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
