Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
