Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
