i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
