the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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