My nipple is on Facebook.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
