dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
