My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
