my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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