Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize