I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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