it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
