Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
