I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
