So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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