Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
