were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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