Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
