I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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